An Unanswered Question?

These days i feel very exhausted as it seems i am constantly fighting....
Each day when i woke up, i see some horrific news on the first page of newspaper.
Some blasts and many killings all across the globe ....
Some other day about how the whole economy system is fallen apart due to the failures of 200 years old giant banks...

Some day i read about how the global warming will bring the end of days soon..

I don't know where the world is moving...who will survive and who won't....

But it seems that most of us are not struggling just for survival but even for acquiring more and more..
Many of us want to leave the impact of their presence in this world ...even after death...

All of us carry some big dreams ...

Some of us just want to feel the present moment , the flow of life..with whatever they have...

All of us entangled in the questions, like ,"Will i get the person whom i love most?"

"Will i get the position and status i am striving for?" "Will i get the satisfaction."

"Will i get the bread today?"
But then there are some who have only one question all time in their mind ”Who am I?”
They are not sure of their existence, their identity, their normality ....Some of such classes are Eunuchs, transgenders, gays...

Some 2 months back, when i was traveling back from Gwalior to Delhi in a train, a “Hijra” [Eunuch] came there in full makeup, kajal, lipstick and all that stuff...Unlike others it was well dressed and not so ugly looking. Unusually, he was asking for money very politely...no “Taali-Shaali”[clapping in rude manner ]. Unusually i felt a bit pity for it. As any other indian mentality, i simply gave some 10 bucks to it, without falling in any argument....

Most of us are also afraid of “Hijras”....
And take them with disgust an disrespect as they belong to some disassociated part of society...

So when most of the passengers were giving money to this hijra in the train due to all other feelings except kindness or pity...a 10 year old kid asked him a question, “Anuty aap uncle jaise kyun dikh rahe ho?”[Why are you looking like a male?] Then he said to his father,”Papa, yeh aunty se mujhe darr lag raha.Yeh uncle hain kya?
[Papa, I am afraid of her. Is she an Uncle?]

The child was innocent, so was the Hijra....and so was the question, only thing which was guilty there, it was the silence after it.....That was killing ...The father did not utter anything, the Hijra had a cool stare on the kid with wet eyes.I could not locate the exact feeling it had, in his eyes.
He left the coach without further collection...some of the idiots laughed at it....The question remained unanswered....

It has lasted for many centuries ...not sure how longer it will?

I thought more on this subject, and found that the mentality of the society has gone more shallow...

In Hindu mythology, Lord Shiva has been represented as ,” Ardh-Naarishwar”.
I believe that the its not about being only physically male or female...
It is about tough and soft part of your identity...
The struggling and loving part of your personality...
Every male has some female presence inside and vice versa...

I do have some female friends who carry very daring, adventurous and fighting attitude like males and then some of my male friends who are very soft at heart and cry even seeing the pain of some stray dog....

So each entity got a balanced ratio of both male and female feelings ….but yes in some cases, it turns out odd ...like physically they are masculine but they carry soft feelings... but it is not a sin ..

Being sexually unfit means that anybody is unfit to live in the society...I am amazed that when criminals, politicians and terrotists have right to live in this world then why not this class of society..

Today while surfing internet, a story of one such person, made me feel sorry for the mentality prevailing in this society for ages ...Yup i am also a part of this society..but the story had changed my mindset .....So i am dedicating this post to this senior of my college( MNIT, Jaipur), Gunraaj Dhaliwal...who now is Gazal Dhaliwal.. He has been one of the famous face of the college as he was a very good singer and orator....and yes one of the brightest student ....But i would agree that i too was in the crowd, who laughed at him, the way he used to walk or talk( a bit girlish it was)...I regret all my those remarks i made then....Now he has changed his sex from male to female and looks very beautiful....

Though now she is a female but yes, whatever she did, it required a lot of guts like male...that is to come forward, accept yourself, your truth and bring your correct identity in front of world and ask the whole world too accept it ..

We should understand the kind of feelings such people are going through..

Anyways, i would love to share the story of Gazal, with you guys.
please read following links :

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transgendernews/message/26439

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=PW481IJoBPo

Gazal you have answered the question which was raised some months back in the train.

Thanks for it !!!

But then there are so many other gazals, who too wants to be listened by us…..to be recognized by us…who do not have supporting parents, neither they are financially strong enough to bear these costly operations…lets try to understand them too!!